Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I remember the day well. I was sitting at home in my flannel pink striped pajama pants that I had worn for over 3 weeks. I was nursing a wound- and not just in a physical sense. It was one of the darkest times in my life and, thankfully, God has helped me to forget the intensity of that pain. But the impression still remains. And that I am thankful for.

A day full of rain. Great. Just what I always needed on a day like this. I tried to shake the grief and overwhelming despair. Why did this happen? The rain darkened my mood and reminded me of my sorrow.

The rain finally stopped late in the afternoon. The sun was just starting to set in the sky. As I sat on the couch, I wondered whether there could be a rainbow. I thought about when rainbows appear. I thought about how the sky is usually so definitely divided -the dark sky moving away, heavily contrasted by the bright blue-grey sky in it's clearing. Surely God wouldn't fail me. I went to every window in the house. I knew where the rainbow had to be, considering the time of day that it was, but I couldn't see it from any of the first 6 windows I looked out.

I ran to each room, frantic at the thought of the "promise" not being visible to me. And then I stood at the threshold of the nursery -the nursery prepared for a promise never fulfilled. I ran to the window, skeptical and hopeful at the same time.

And there it was. My promise. The promise that was first given to Noah and now, I believed, to me. His promise. The promise of new beginnings. The promise of safety. The promise of peace. From that moment, I knew that His promise was unfailing. I realized that I was never promised a baby here on earth. His promise isn't about this earth at all. His promise is much more than that.

I recently drove home from work to a beautiful rainbow arching over my home. I remembered His promise given with the rainbow and I remembered that day four years ago in late November when I searched frantically for it's presence. I am constantly reminded of His promise and, every passing year, I remember and long for the day when it is fulfilled.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18


Sheri said...

I just can't tell you how much I think about you! Just know that I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

KrisPT said...

Oh my, those pink flannel pajamas...and that zebra coat. We've come a long way since then, huh? Thanks for your transparency and for including me in your journey these past four years. You've taught me more than you know.

Love ya more than my luggage,

Anonymous said...

My Baby Girl,
I also remember that day well. You had worked so hard at giving Tate that perfect birthday party and then worked into the night again giving of yourself to help with a big feast that was to be given the next day at church. As always everything had to be perfect.

When we got the call I couldn't get their fast enough. You were again trying to burden everything on your own. The nurses ask if we wanted to hold Reese. When they laid her in my arms, she was the perfect little angel. There was as I said the most angelic face I had ever seen.

When they brought Reese and laid her in your arms, my heart broke for the first words from your lips was "Oh Baby Girl,I am so sorry." For you see "My Baby Girl" was suffering that day also and I was sorry.

We have both grown and endured many things the past four years but the most important thing we learned was that our love for and from God will always be there to carry us on in life.

I have watched my "Baby Girl" grow into a beautiful and caring Christian woman. God is truly amazing and "I" am truly blessed on this day to have a daughter as special as you. We shall all see Reese someday with our loving Father.

Love you always,

Amanda said...

Beautiful. Now I am crying. I need to go find a "tennis shoe."

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, I am so thankful God has allowed our paths to cross. you. There is beauty in your story, even though there has been great pain, you are a testament to what God can do in our lives, when unexpected things happen, how He meets us, cares for us, and helps us.

Thank you for sharing your heart here and at the ladies day at church.

Here's a portion of an old song I think you will appreciate-
"I found Him blooming, where heartaches abundantly reign.
Who would have dreamed, so much joy in so much pain?
It's good on the mountains, but they come and they go,
but while down in the valley, I found a rose..."

In Christ's love,

Anonymous said...

I remember that night also. I had been wondering how soon you and Rob would again be blessed. I felt honored that when Rob called work he asked for me to be paged so that he could pass on the sorrow that should have been a message of joy. He must have known in his grief how much I care about the two of you. God is with us all the time, but never more so than when we ask him to be there because we just can't make it on our own any more. You have both come a long way since then--know that Reese is not forgotten by those who love you.