Cardboard Testimonies

Did you recognize yourself? I did....... several times. Thank God for his saving grace! What would our relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ and those not yet in Christ be like if we were more honest about ourselves and what God has done for us?

I've been tagged!

Leah tagged me so here goes:

1. What did you do 10 years ago?
Wow, it's hard to remember ten years ago. Since I just celebrated my 12th anniversary, I can say I had been married 2 years. I was 23 years old and was going to college-- I know, I was on the 7 year plan for getting a masters degree.

2. Five items on your to-do list today: (since its late, i'll put it for tomorrow)
Get Avery and Tate ready for swimming lessons, help Deana with swimming lessons (just for tomorrow), get back on a healthier eating plan, do some laundry, and cook supper

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Good snacks: fiber one bars (beware! these can mess you up), honey wheat pretzel sticks, chocolate covered pretzel 100 calorie packs, laughing cow cheese wedges and pretzel chips
Indulgent Bad snacks: strawberries and chocolate, cheez its, little powdered donuts, chedder cheese and crackers

4. What would you do if you were a billionaire?
Quit my job and stay home...... then I would: do more at church, do more volunteering at the kids school, and get a second car that got better gas mileage (I guess I wouldn't care about gas mileage if I were a billionaire, huh?)

5. Places I would live:
I really do love living in Walnut Ridge because I am close to my family, but if I could take my family, I would live at the beach anywhere or specifically in Hawaii

That was fun Leah! I tag Kari, Amanda, Kristi, and Andrea.

My New Job

There is much debate about which is harder, being a working mother or being a stay at home mom. I am lucky enough to get to sample both, as I have a job where I am off about 6-8 weeks in the summer. But the hardest thing is transitioning between the two. Every summer, I spend the first few weeks just trying to find my footing - trying to fingure out, "What is my job?". Although it looks like it would be simple, it really takes some adjustment.

My typical day at work consists of as much control and order as I can pull off. I am NOT an organized person but I do feel like I have "control" over my day. At the beginning of the year things are pretty hairy. But by second semester, I feel like I'm a bit more with it. Have you noticed how much easier it is to make other people's kids mind?

As most of you know, my afternoons and evenings after work are often spent at home alone with my children. So, sometimes, home is more stressful for me than my job. The summer months are just an extension of this.......

The kids evidently feel like they have free reign of the house and are intent on trying to open every cabinet and drag out every thing they haven't had the time at home to look at in the last nine months. They are also used to being occupied and entertained so I end up feeling like "activities coordinator". When you have to be "cop" and "activities coordinator", who has time to be the "cook", right? No, three meals (or more) must be prepared and cleaned up each day. My dishwasher runs at least 3 times every day in the summer.

In the first few days, I think that being at home 24 hours a day with both the kids will make me go out of my mind. But after a week or so, I get my groove. I realize that there is no conference tomorrow or homework or therapy to plan for. This is my new job-- full time parent. And the summer months make me enjoy being a parent even more.

Thank you, God, for blessing me with a wonderful job where I am given this opportunity.

Journals and Journeys

Four measly little pages. My sad attempt at a journal. I've always wanted to keep a journal; something to log my thoughts, hopes, dreams. Something to have, to read, to reflect. But every time I started, I realized quickly that I didn't know what to write. If you ask my friends, they might say that it's just another project I've yet to finish (notice I said "yet"). But to me, it was a project that never got off the ground at all.

My first attempt came when Tate was two. I decided is would be a great way to write down all the funny stories and things he said. Well for those who know Tate, there wasn't much to write. He was a quiet introspective toddler with little to say and much to think about. The few journal entries I logged ended up sounding more like a medical chart than a personal account......

"Tate saying lots of words to label and request and putting some 2 wd phrases together -"bye nanny", "dat horse". Tate said "nome snack" and signed more in class and participates in activities well."

My next attempt at journaling came at a frustrating time in my life - four months after the stillbirth of our daughter.

"I want so badly to be pregnant again. I wanted and planned for a baby that never came. Tonight Tate just came up to me and said, "Mommy, I'm so proud of you." He is such a loving, funny child. I am so grateful to have him. I love and miss you baby Reese. Mommy would love to hold you just one more time. I miss you everyday......... sweet, beautiful baby girl"

And three and a half months later, I was still frustrated.

"Well, we are 10 weeks pregnant and here I am at the pity party again. This is so unfair. I've done this just less than one year ago--why do I have to go through another pregnancy! I know it sounds ungrateful. Many women would give anything to carry their own child for nine months. But for me, it feels like torture. The worry, the waiting--it just isn't as fun when you know what bad things can happen. I don't know if I can endure the mental torture! I've had to go to the doctor 2 weeks earlier than scheduled because I thought I would lose my mind with worry. I just want to be happy again and innocent - unaware of what can happen and how it can tear your heart out. God, I need you to strengthen me AGAIN...... you've been there for me before.... help me again..... I feel like I am self destructing. Pick me up and dust me off. Lord help me lean on You!"

Blogging is the closest thing I've come to journaling in over 3 years and I'm still not that good at it. But those sporadic entries with words so simple they must have truly come from some deep crevasse in my soul have reminded me of the journey I've taken, the plan God has for me, and the realization that only He knows what is best for me.

This week, I have been thoughtful of the change in my life after Reese came and left so quickly. I'll never forget the moment I knew that I would be different. After the initial "I AM GOING TO DIE" feeling subsided, I knew God had a plan and Reese's death would not be in vain. I know now that God sent Reese to change my life. I am a changed person because of her. Life events such as this wound us. But when we are healed, we have a scar to remind us - a scar to share, to show, and to use. Thank you Lord for knowing just what we need......

SUPERMOM!

I saw the funniest maternity shirt today..... don't worry, I wasn't LOOKING for a maternity shirt.... just happened to come across it on the web. It said "I Grow People.... What's Your Superpower?". I thought this was so funny and it got me to thinking, "What's My Superpower?"

So, here's a SHORT list of superpowers that I think this "Supermom" holds. Not to brag, but to remind us of the little things we are able to accomplish on a daily basis.

1. I can make 3 plates at a buffet with more ease and agility than most of the "gray hairs" in front of me

2. My heat seeking abilities can "feel" a fever across the room

3. My super telepathic powers allow me to detect kid vomit before it happens..... usually

4. I can pump breastmilk and drive ( I don't know why this is "super", just thought it was a multitasking feat)

5. My super olfactory system allows me to smell a poopy diaper from 2 rooms away--this also works with any other kind of mess (ie., poop in the floor or bathtub, a puddle of syrup on the kitchen floor, toothpaste smeared all over the bathroom rug, etc.)

6. My super strength allows me to eat, drive, work, cook, clean.... all while holding a 30 pound child.

7. My super analytical skills allow me to figure how to split meals at restaurants to save the most money, allow everyone to get what they like, and still have a doggy bag to take home for tomorrow and.....

8. allow me to make a semi healthy meal from less than 4 unrelated items in the pantry.

Like I said, this is not to brag...... post one of your superpowers! It has empowered me to finish the day with confidence and fortitude....... good thing I don't have to wear a leotard.......

What is Spring?

...the sight of tiny toes in new sandals
...the option of not wearing shoes outside
...a "Sonic" picnic under Nanny's "secret tree"
...the sight of kids swinging as high as they can with their eyes closed and their heads back
...fighting millions of wasps in the backyard
...putting on sunscreen to play outside
...millions and zillions of bubbles
...a messy, neglected house (oh, who am I kiddin.... this is not seasonal)
...trimming bushes and trees
...riding bikes
...tears at dusk (or should I say "dragging two kids in kicking and screaming")

The Bridge

It's funny how sometimes you can get wrapped up in something that is so far detached from you. A few months back, my friend Amanda shared a blog with me about a young couple who are fighting an amazing battle. This story has been riveting and I've found myself checking in on them at least once a day to find out how God is working in their lives and in the lives of others around them. Their story is incredible. I hope you will check it out and add them to your prayers http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/.

Happy Easter!

Our Easter was, as usual, a whirlwind. Luckily, we are on spring break this week, so we have a few days to recover before we head to Branson for a mini vacay with Mom, Fred, Adam & Jennifer, and the kids. We had an egg dying party at Nanny's Saturday night. Tate, bless his heart, broke more eggs than the little kids. Not just cracked, I mean mutilated! Well, grace has never been his strong suit. Good thing he's super smart! Avery was a super egg hunter and found 51 eggs, coming in second only to Darren who is 11 years old!

We went to an egg hunt at Stewart Park on Saturday and my kids found ZERO eggs. It was a real bummer..... But the kids were happy just getting out and getting to play on the playground at the park.

Tate spent the night with Gran and Pawpaw last night and we got a call at 5:30 this morning saying he was throwing up and had fever...... wouldn't be vacation without a little puke, huh? So, today we are recuperating so that we will be well enough to enjoy the rest of our break. Please pray for a quick recovery and good immune systems for the rest of us so that our trip is most enjoyable!

My Princess Dress
I'm sitting here, recovering from the flu. Feeling far from beautiful and not even presentable at this point. At least I did just shower and wash my hair, which was a huge step in hygiene, at least. But the best part of the day, the thing that made me feel like I was healed instantly, just happened.

I had just finished showering. I pulled my wet hair back into a rubber band, put on my glasses, and threw on an old, terribly unflattering pink nightgown. Now this nightgown is not the kind you wear when you want to feel sexy or special. This is the nightgown you put on when you just want to feel comfy. I actually got it to wear in the hospital when I had Avery. And rightly so, it looks very, how shall I put it, "maternal".

As I sat down on the couch, Avery crawled into my lap. She instantly looked at my gown, and smoothing it with her tiny fingers said, "Dis your pississ?, Aw, you pississ!" I had to ask, just for clarification....., "Do you think this is mommy's princess dress?" "Yes!", she said, her brown eyes twinkling and curls bobbing as she nodded. And at that moment, I felt like a princess, too.

A Snow Day!

Happy Birthday Avery!

We had Avery's 2nd birthday party last night, and as you can tell by looking at the pictures, she had a great time. We had to sing Happy Birthday and light the candles three times because she kept saying, "mum or time" and holding up her little index finger. Of course we couldn't resist and it gave Mommy several photo ops!

Mommy was about partyed and holdiay-ed out, so the party was a little low key (as compared to previous parties). I have a history of going a little overboard.

Bah Humbug????
Christmas has the tendency to bring out the worst in me. It should be the most "wonderful time of the year", right? Well, I am the type of person that gets very overwhelmed by the Chrismas clamor. All of the hustle and bustle doesn't always fit into our hectic schedule. Today shopping, tommorrow wrapping, the next day party where I am signed up to bring cupcakes....... the list goes on and on.

This year, I even tried to keep the schedule light. We don't HAVE TO do everything on the list. With Rob's work schedule, it's nearly impossible, anyway. But there are some things that are not negotiable for me. ........... Oh, who am I kidding......I'm trying to type this with Avery and Tate fighting over something and two kids screaming and crying. It's impossible. If you want to see this pictures at all, you don't get text........ sorry......... Merry Christmas!

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day

On November 20th, 2004, we celebrated the life of our firstborn and ended the day mourning the loss of our first daughter. Tate celebrated his 4th birthday with a huge, overwhelming, and possibly "overdone" birthday party. Several times that day, I wondered if I had felt the baby moving but brushed it off thinking I had just been too busy to pay attention. But later in the evening, I started to get very concerned.

It was surreal. Like an out of body experience. You remember what went on around you, but not like it was actually happening to you. You keep thinking, "This is NOT happening....how could this happen.....it must be wrong........they are going to tell me any minute now that this was all a mistake." But it doesn't go away and it gets more and more real everyday.

My biggest issue, following Reese's death, was the hard fact that it is something that nobody really wants to talk about. It's all just too sad! People walk around looking at you like you have a third eye and all you want to do is talk about it--a lot--obsessively, in fact. It is interesting how talking about a baby dying is something "taboo". It's like it's "unspeakable".....it scares people.....and, maybe, if we talked too much about it, people would be too scared to even get pregnant in the first place.

But now as I type these words, a beautiful little brown eyed girl is kissing me and asking me to hold her baby doll. A far cry from where I was almost 3 years ago. We've been truly blessed with two wonderful healthy children who have saved my life! Don't get me wrong....a never wanted to "replace" the child I lost. I want to rejoice in what I learned from her and her memory reminds me everyday what closeness I felt to God during her loss, how he held me, and how I need to get that close to Him again.

And, today, on this day of rememberance and nearly 3 years since, I have the opportunity to talk about it again. I don't feel the "obsessive" need to talk about it as much anymore. I do think about it daily, however. I will never forget.

On October 15, at 7:00 pm in all time zones, families around the United States will light candles in memory all of the precious babies that have been lost during pregnancy or in infancy. Too many families grieve in silence, sometimes never coming to terms with their loss. If everyone lights a candle at 7 p.m. and keeps it burning for 1 hour, there will be a continuous wave of light around the world.

On this day, in communities across America, expectant moms will feel their baby's first kick; parents will listen joyfully to their newborn's first cry; and families will celebrate their healthy baby's first birthday.

Also on this day, seven babies will be lost to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS); more than 70 new parents will have listened sadly to their stillborn baby's silence; and countless lives will be lost to miscarriage and other sudden, unexpected infant deaths.

Please help us remember our dear daughter, Reese Avery Anderson: born silently November 20, 2004, by lighting a candle in her honor. There is not a day that goes by that we do not think of her and her little brother or sister lost to miscarriage in 2006. We are anxiously awaiting our reunion with them!

I did this just to annoy my mom....she's tired of my videos and commercials. But, seriously, there are many times that this song hits home.....I'm especially emotional tonight because Kristen West sent me a link to a blog about a month ago for a very courageous young mother battling breast cancer. It touched me even though I didn't know her. Today she lost her brave battle and left behind 4 young children. You must read her blog to understand how brave and blessed this woman was. I know, blessed sounds crazy....just read it......www.kimsprayer.blogspot.com

Funny Orbit Gum Commercial

Okay, I'm on a YouTube roll tonight....this is the funniest commercial I have seen in forever.....It's given me a whole new repretoire of pseudo curse words!

Who Am I Casting Crowns Rock Church

I think this is so cool. I'd really like to be able to see it in person!

Look at this little spotlight hog.....Does it remind you of anyone? This child learns a new song or a new word everyday....Amazing!

Schools In! Yea!

Thank goodness, school has started. I think Tate was starting to get really bored at home. The last few weeks of heat really did us all in as it was hard to go outside and play without having a heatstroke! He got up quickly this morning and was ready to go before I knew it! He almost didn't even let me walk him to his room this morning.....but he changed his mind and even turned around expecting his kiss when I left. I pecked him on the head to keep his classmates from laughing and left. It was much more emotional for me this year. Maybe because he seemed so grown up and independent......

Avery realized that Tate was going somewhere this morning, too, and threw a fit when I went to get her out of the car at Joan's. When I opened the door, she actually said, "I no go Ni," which is Avery-speak for "I'm not going to go to Gran's today, thank you very much." I was laughing so hard I nearly dropped the wild, rabid thing on the ground trying to carry her in.

Another one of my children started school today, too. Rob went back to college today to finish his degree in art. He wants to be an art teacher when he grows up...... I don't know how he's going to make it (or how I'm going to make it) these next few years, but we hope it will be the best thing for our family in the future. We've just got to get through the next year and a half (or two).